I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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