Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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