How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I puked a lego.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
