his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
