why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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