she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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