I wish I could punch you in the face.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
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I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
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