The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
