youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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