i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
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I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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