Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
