Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
