he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
