"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
