Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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