I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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