quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
