I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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