mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i think i just lost a toe
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
