I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I want to make a zoo with you.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
