I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
