yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
