Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
