I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
