I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
