I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
