your parents love me but you hate me
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize