A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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