I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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