he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
