i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
