Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
