Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
