Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
