brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
