I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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