I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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