When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
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Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
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Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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