By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
