I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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