I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
