i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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