i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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