would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
