I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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