Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you would pick up someone in the library
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize