I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize
