I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
