Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
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I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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