is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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