I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
