i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
