Jerry, you need to find god
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
