I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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