I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
3 2 1 whiskey
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
