No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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