if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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