you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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