and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
