is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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