so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
