the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
