If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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