YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
