He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
