Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
