She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
