Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
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