I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
