when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
