I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
