Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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