is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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