we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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