Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
how does that bad decision feel?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
