he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
