I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
