so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
