Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I smell stomach acid.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
