"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize